If you’re reading this, you’ve likely experienced one of the most painful moments a relationship can endure: the discovery of infidelity. Perhaps it was a confession that shattered your world, evidence you stumbled upon accidentally, or a truth that gradually revealed itself. However it happened, you’re now standing in the wreckage, wondering if it’s possible to move forward—and if so, how.
First, let me say this: what you’re feeling right now is valid. The anger, the grief, the confusion, the numbness, the moments when you feel like you’re losing your mind—all of it is a normal response to an abnormal situation. Infidelity isn’t just a breach of trust; it’s a trauma that shakes the very foundation of your sense of safety and self.
The good news—and yes, there is good news—is that healing is possible. Not easy, not quick, but possible. Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or move forward separately, you can emerge from this experience stronger, wiser, and more authentically yourself. This journey won’t look the same for everyone, and there’s no single “right” path. But some guideposts can help you navigate the terrain ahead.
Research suggests that recovery from infidelity typically takes between two and five years. That might sound daunting, but understanding that this is a marathon, not a sprint, can help you be patient with yourself as you heal.
Table of Contents
The Immediate Aftermath: First Steps
In the first hours and days after discovering infidelity, your nervous system is likely in overdrive. You might experience physical symptoms: difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, nausea, racing thoughts, or the inability to focus on anything else. This is your body’s trauma response, and it’s important to address your immediate well-being.
Allow Yourself to Feel
There’s often pressure—from yourself or others—to “get over it” quickly, to make decisions, to appear strong. Resist this pressure. You don’t need to have all the answers right now. You don’t need to decide whether to stay or go in the first week or even the first month. What you need is space to feel what you’re feeling without judgment.
Your emotions will likely swing wildly: rage one moment, desperate longing the next, cold detachment followed by crushing grief. This emotional roller coaster is exhausting, but it’s also necessary. Each wave of feeling is part of your psyche processing the trauma. Don’t try to shortcut this process.
Establish Basic Safety
Before anything else, ensure you feel safe—both emotionally and physically. If you need space from your partner, take it. If you need to sleep in a different room, do so. If you need a few days away to think, arrange it. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about giving yourself the breathing room you need to begin processing what’s happened.
For some, this might also mean practical safety measures: getting tested for sexually transmitted infections, understanding your financial situation, or consulting with a lawyer—not necessarily to divorce, but to understand your rights and options.
Decide Who to Tell
You’ll need support, but be thoughtful about who you confide in initially. Choose people who can hold space for your pain without immediately pushing their own agenda. Avoid sharing with someone who will say, “I never liked them anyway,” or who will make the situation about their own experiences or judgments.
Remember that anything you share with friends and family becomes part of their memory of your partner and your relationship. If you decide to work things out, you’ll need their support for that too—so consider whether telling everyone in your life right away serves your long-term interests.
Consider Professional Support
Even before you’re ready for couples therapy, individual therapy can be invaluable. A trauma-informed therapist can help you process what’s happened, develop coping strategies for the immediate crisis, and begin to think through what you want for your future. They provide a safe space where you can say anything without worrying about consequences or judgment.
Understanding What Happened
Once the initial shock begins to subside—and this might take weeks or months—you’ll likely feel a desperate need to understand. How did this happen? Why did it happen? How long has it been going on? Who else knows? The questions can feel endless, and the need for answers all-consuming.
The Right to Know
If you’re considering rebuilding the relationship, you have a right to honest answers to your questions. This doesn’t mean you need to know every excruciating detail—some specifics can become intrusive images that haunt you—but you do deserve the truth about the timeline, the extent of the affair, whether it’s truly over, and how it happened.
The unfaithful partner’s willingness to be fully transparent, even when it’s uncomfortable, is a crucial indicator of whether rebuilding is possible. Continued lies, minimizing, or “trickle truth” (releasing information bit by bit) will only deepen the wound and extend the healing process.
Understanding Is Not Excusing
It’s important to understand the context in which the infidelity occurred, but understanding is different from excusing. Nothing—not loneliness, not stress, not feeling unappreciated, not problems in the relationship—makes infidelity inevitable or acceptable. The choice to cheat was made by one person, and they bear responsibility for that choice.
That said, understanding what made the relationship vulnerable can be important, especially if you’re trying to rebuild. Were there unaddressed issues? Communication breakdowns? Unmet needs that weren’t being expressed? This isn’t about assigning blame to you for your partner’s choice, but about identifying whether there were cracks in the foundation that need addressing.
The Affair Partner
It’s natural to focus anger on the person your partner had the affair with, but be cautious about channeling all your rage in that direction. While that person may have behaved reprehensibly (especially if they knew about you), they didn’t make vows to you. Your partner did. The betrayal is primarily your partner’s responsibility, not the affair partner’s.
The Decision: Should You Stay or Should You Go?
At some point, you’ll face the question that’s been lurking beneath everything else: Do I try to save this relationship, or do I leave? This is perhaps the most difficult decision you’ll ever make, and there’s no universal right answer. What’s right depends on your specific circumstances, your values, your partner’s response, and what you ultimately want for your life.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before infidelity: Was this relationship fundamentally healthy and fulfilling? Did you feel loved, respected, and valued? Were there aspects of the partnership worth fighting for? Or were there already significant problems that the affair simply illuminated?
Your partner’s response: Is your partner genuinely remorseful, or primarily sorry they got caught? Are they willing to take full responsibility without making excuses? Are they committed to complete transparency going forward? Have they ended all contact with the affair partner? Are they willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust?
Your capacity: Do you believe you can eventually forgive? Can you imagine a future where you’re not constantly suspicious and vigilant? Are you willing to do the work required to rebuild, which may be harder than starting fresh?
Your values: What do your religious, cultural, or personal values say about infidelity and divorce? While you shouldn’t make decisions solely based on others’ expectations, it’s important to consider your own value system.
Practical considerations: If you have children, how might each decision affect them? What are the financial implications? Do you have a support system? These practical factors shouldn’t determine your choice, but they’re worth considering as you think through the logistics of either path.
Both Choices Are Valid
Society often has strong opinions about what you should do after infidelity. Some will say “once a cheater, always a cheater” and push you to leave. Others will say you should fight for your marriage or relationship. But only you know what’s right for you.
Choosing to leave doesn’t make you weak or unwilling to fight for love. Choosing to stay doesn’t make you a doormat or lacking in self-respect. Both choices require courage. Both paths have their own challenges and rewards.
You Can Change Your Mind
Whatever you decide initially doesn’t have to be your final answer. You might decide to try to work things out and then realize several months later that you can’t move past the betrayal. Or you might initially think you want to leave, but discover that with time and work, the relationship can be rebuilt into something even stronger. Permit yourself to see how things unfold before committing to a permanent course of action.
If You Choose to Rebuild: The Long Road Home
If you’ve decided to try to save your relationship, know this: it will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. The road ahead is long, painful, and uncertain. There will be days when you question your decision, when the pain feels as fresh as it did on day one, when you wonder if all this effort is worth it.
But it’s also possible. Many couples not only survive infidelity but eventually report having a stronger, more authentic relationship than before. The key word there is “eventually.” This transformation doesn’t happen quickly or easily.
The Unfaithful Partner’s Responsibilities
The person who had the affair bears the primary responsibility for rebuilding trust. This includes complete transparency: sharing passwords, being accountable for whereabouts, answering questions (even the same questions multiple times), and being patient with the betrayed partner’s pain and mistrust.
They need to accept that they’ve forfeited the right to privacy for a time. They need to cut off all contact with the affair partner completely and demonstrably. They need to be willing to discuss the affair when their partner needs to talk about it, even though it’s uncomfortable.
Most importantly, they need to show genuine remorse—not just regret at being caught, but deep sorrow for the pain they’ve caused. They need to take responsibility without making excuses or shifting blame.
The Betrayed Partner’s Journey
Your work in rebuilding is different but equally challenging. You’ll need to find a way to express your pain and anger without using it as a weapon indefinitely. You’ll need to gradually take small risks in trusting again, even when it feels terrifying. You’ll need to work on forgiving—not immediately, not all at once, but slowly over time.
This doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings or “getting over it” on anyone else’s timeline. It means allowing yourself to feel the full weight of your emotions while also being willing to see if your partner’s actions match their words over time.
The Role of Couples Therapy
While some couples manage to rebuild without professional help, most find that working with a therapist who specializes in infidelity significantly improves their chances of success. A skilled therapist can help you communicate more effectively, work through the painful emotions, identify and address the underlying issues in the relationship, and create a roadmap for rebuilding.
Look for a therapist trained in approaches like the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy, which have strong evidence for helping couples recover from betrayal.
Rebuilding Intimacy
Physical intimacy after infidelity is complicated. Some people find themselves wanting more sex than ever, seeking reassurance of their partner’s desire. Others can’t bear to be touched. Both responses are normal.
Don’t rush this. Rebuild physical intimacy in stages: perhaps starting with non-sexual touch, then gradually moving toward more intimate contact as it feels safe. Be honest about what you need and what you’re ready for. This isn’t the time to fake it.
Creating a New Relationship
The relationship you had before is gone. That might sound harsh, but it’s also liberating. You’re not trying to return to what was; you’re building something new. This new relationship can be more honest, more communicative, more intentional than what you had before. Many couples find that being forced to address issues they’d been avoiding for years ultimately strengthens their partnership.
If You Choose to Leave: Moving Forward with Dignity
If you’ve decided that leaving is the right choice for you, you’re embarking on a different but equally challenging journey. Ending a relationship—especially one that included betrayal—brings its own complex mix of grief, relief, anger, and uncertainty.
Honor Your Decision
You may face pressure from others to reconsider, especially if you have children or a long history together. You may face judgment from people who think you’re giving up too easily. You may even face moments of self-doubt, wondering if you’re making the right choice.
Trust yourself. If you’ve thoughtfully considered your options and concluded that leaving is what you need to do for your well-being, honor that decision. You don’t need to justify it to anyone else. You’re not obligated to give the relationship one more chance if you know in your heart it’s not what you want.
Navigate the Grief
Even when leaving is the right choice, you’ll still grieve. You’re grieving the relationship you thought you had. You’re grieving the future you’d imagined. You’re grieving the loss of the person you thought your partner was. You might even grieve the good parts of the relationship that were real and meaningful.
This grief is complicated because it’s mixed with anger and betrayal. Allow yourself to feel all of it. Don’t judge yourself for missing someone who hurt you so deeply—the heart doesn’t always follow logic.
Practical Steps Forward
Ending a relationship involves practical matters that can feel overwhelming when you’re already emotionally depleted. You may need to separate finances, divide property, figure out living arrangements, and—if you have children—establish custody and co-parenting agreements.
Take things one step at a time. Get professional help where you need it: lawyers for legal matters, financial advisors for monetary concerns, therapists for emotional support. Build a team of people who can help you navigate the logistics so you can focus on your emotional healing.
Co-Parenting After Infidelity
If you have children, you’ll need to maintain some connection with your ex-partner even as you’re trying to move on. This is incredibly difficult, especially in the beginning when your wounds are raw.
Try to keep co-parenting communications focused on the children and as business-like as possible. You don’t need to be friends, but you do need to be civil partners in raising your kids. Consider using co-parenting apps that help you communicate about schedules and needs without extensive personal interaction.
Be thoughtful about what you share with your children about the infidelity. They don’t need to know details, but they do need to know that the separation isn’t their fault. Resist the urge to bad-mouth your ex to the children, even though you may feel justified in doing so.
Resist Revenge
In the rawness of your pain, you might fantasize about revenge: exposing your ex publicly, having your own affair, making their life as miserable as they’ve made yours. These impulses are understandable, but acting on them will ultimately hurt you more than them.
The best “revenge” is living well—building a life that’s authentic and fulfilling, showing that you won’t be defined by someone else’s bad choices. Let your dignity be your shield.
Finding Closure
Many people hope for a conversation where their ex fully acknowledges the pain they caused, apologizes sincerely, and gives them the closure they need. Sometimes this happens. Often it doesn’t.
Real closure usually has to come from within. It’s not about getting all your questions answered or receiving the apology you deserve. It’s about accepting what happened, understanding that you may never fully understand why it happened, and choosing to move forward anyway. It’s about writing the final chapter yourself rather than waiting for your ex to write it for you.
The Individual Healing Journey
Whether you’re rebuilding your relationship or moving on alone, there’s a personal healing journey that belongs to you alone. This is the work of recovering your sense of self, your ability to trust, and your hope for the future.
Working Through Trauma
Infidelity can create symptoms that look a lot like post-traumatic stress: intrusive thoughts about the affair, hypervigilance, difficulty sleeping, emotional numbness, or intense reactivity to triggers. You might find yourself compulsively checking your partner’s phone or social media. You might have panic attacks when they’re late coming home. You might see reminders of the betrayal everywhere.
These symptoms are your nervous system’s way of trying to protect you from being hurt again. They’re exhausting and distressing, but they do tend to lessen over time, especially with proper support. Trauma-focused therapy approaches like EMDR or somatic experiencing can be particularly helpful.
Rebuilding Self-Esteem
Infidelity often leaves the betrayed partner feeling “not enough”—not attractive enough, not interesting enough, not lovable enough. These thoughts can become a chorus of self-doubt that plays on repeat.
But here’s the truth: your partner’s choice to cheat says everything about them and nothing about your worth. People cheat in relationships with supermodels. People cheat on partners who are kind, beautiful, successful, and loving. The vulnerability that led to infidelity exists in the person who cheated, not in any deficiency of yours.
Rebuilding self-esteem is about reconnecting with your inherent worth, independent of anyone else’s choices or opinions. It’s about remembering who you were before this happened and reclaiming that person, perhaps even becoming a stronger version.
The Journey of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean there are no consequences. And it certainly doesn’t have to happen on anyone else’s timeline.
Forgiveness is about releasing the grip that anger and bitterness have on your own heart. It’s about freeing yourself from the prison of constant rage and hurt. You can forgive and still end the relationship. You can forgive and still have boundaries. You can forgive and still acknowledge that what happened was deeply wrong.
Forgiveness usually happens in layers, not all at once. You might think you’ve forgiven, only to have the pain resurface and realize you have more work to do. That’s normal. Be patient with this process.
Rediscovering Yourself
One unexpected gift that can emerge from this crisis is the opportunity to rediscover who you are outside of your relationship. In the intensity of dealing with infidelity, many people realize they’ve lost touch with their own interests, friendships, and passions.
Now is the time to reconnect with what makes you feel alive. Pursue hobbies you’ve neglected. Reach out to friends you’ve drifted away from. Try new experiences. Invest in your physical health, your career, and your personal growth. Build a life that feels full and meaningful, regardless of your relationship status.
Learning to Trust Again
Perhaps the most difficult aspect of healing is rebuilding your capacity to trust—not just trust in a partner, but trust in your own judgment. You might find yourself questioning: How did I not see this coming? What else have I been wrong about? Can I ever trust my perceptions again?
The answer is yes, though it takes time. Trust is rebuilt through small experiences where you take a risk, and it turns out okay. It’s rebuilt through therapy, where you process what happened and learn to distinguish between reasonable caution and paralyzing fear. It’s rebuilt through relationships—romantic or otherwise—where people show up consistently and keep their word.
Common Challenges and How to Navigate Them
The path forward after infidelity is rarely smooth. Here are some of the common obstacles you might encounter and strategies for navigating them.
Triggers and Flashbacks
A song, a restaurant, a date on the calendar, a phrase your partner uses—anything can suddenly transport you back to the pain of discovery. These triggers can be overwhelming, making you feel like you’re right back at square one.
When you’re triggered, acknowledge it. Use grounding techniques: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear. Breathe deeply. Remind yourself that you’re safe now, that this is a memory, not a present threat. If possible, communicate with your partner that you’re triggered and need support.
Over time, triggers usually lose their intensity. The associations weaken. You might always feel a twinge when you encounter certain things, but it won’t completely derail you the way it does early on.
Impatience with the Process
After several months, you might find yourself—or your partner—getting frustrated with how long healing is taking. You might think, “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?” or your partner might say, “I’ve apologized a hundred times; what more do you want?”
Remember: this is a marathon. The timeline for healing from infidelity is measured in years, not months. Progress isn’t linear. You’ll have good days and bad days, steps forward and steps back. This doesn’t mean you’re failing or that reconciliation is impossible. It means you’re going through a normal healing process for a significant trauma.
Unhelpful Advice from Others
Well-meaning friends and family will have opinions—lots of them. Some will tell you to leave immediately. Others will say you should forgive and move on. Some will share their own experiences as if they’re directly applicable to yours. Some will minimize your pain or rush you to “get over it.”
While it’s important to have support, remember that no one else is living your life. Thank people for their concern, but permit yourself to disregard advice that doesn’t resonate with you. You’re the expert on your own experience.
Digital and Social Media Complications
In today’s connected world, infidelity often has a digital component that makes moving forward more complicated. You might find yourself compulsively checking your partner’s social media or phone. If you’re separated, you might torture yourself by looking at your ex’s online presence. You might discover the affair partner’s social media and find yourself stalking their profiles.
This digital surveillance rarely provides comfort or closure—usually, it just prolongs your pain. Consider blocking the affair partner on all platforms. If you’re rebuilding with your partner, work together to establish temporary boundaries around technology that help you feel safe without requiring constant surveillance. If you’re separated, consider taking a break from social media or at least blocking your ex so you’re not constantly confronted with their life.
Setbacks and Bad Days
You’ll have stretches where you feel like you’re healing, making progress, moving forward. Then something will happen—an anniversary, a lie about something small, a dream about the affair—and suddenly you’re drowning in pain again, feeling like all your progress has evaporated.
These setbacks are normal, not signs that you’re failing. Healing isn’t a straight line upward. It’s more like a spiral—you might circle back to feelings you thought you’d processed, but each time you do, you’re actually at a different level, with more resources and understanding than you had before.
The Urge to Monitor Constantly
If you’re trying to rebuild, you might find yourself wanting to check your partner’s phone, email, and location constantly. While some transparency is necessary early in rebuilding, there’s a line between reasonable accountability and obsessive surveillance that prevents healing.
Work with a therapist to gradually reduce this monitoring as trust slowly rebuilds. The goal is to move from “trust but verify” to genuine trust over time. If you find you can’t ever move past the need for constant surveillance, that might be a sign that rebuilding isn’t going to work.
When to Seek Professional Help
While many people can navigate the healing process with the support of friends, family, and self-help resources, professional help can be invaluable—and sometimes it’s essential.
Signs You Need Individual Therapy
Consider seeking individual therapy if you’re experiencing persistent symptoms of depression (loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep or appetite, persistent sadness); anxiety or panic attacks; thoughts of self-harm or suicide; inability to function in daily life (can’t work, care for children, manage basic tasks); or if you’re using alcohol or drugs to cope.
Even if you’re not experiencing severe symptoms, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work through the trauma of betrayal.
When Couples Counseling Is Recommended
If you’re trying to rebuild your relationship, couples counseling with a therapist who specializes in infidelity can significantly improve your chances of success. Look for therapists trained in evidence-based approaches like Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or Imago Relationship Therapy.
It’s generally recommended to wait until the initial crisis has passed before starting couples therapy—both partners need to be emotionally regulated enough to engage in the work. Some individual therapy first can help both partners prepare for the couples’ work.
Finding the Right Therapist
Not all therapists are trained in treating infidelity, and the approach matters. Look for therapists who understand the trauma of betrayal, who won’t immediately take sides or push a particular outcome, and who have specific training in helping couples recover from affairs.
Don’t hesitate to interview potential therapists or try a few before committing. Ask about their experience with infidelity, their approach, and their success rates. You need someone you both feel comfortable with and who inspires confidence that they can guide you through this.
Support Groups
Support groups—either in-person or online—can provide a connection with others who truly understand what you’re going through. There’s something powerful about hearing from people who’ve walked this path before you, who can say “I felt that too” or “Here’s what helped me.”
Be cautious, though, about groups that are primarily focused on venting without moving toward healing, or that push a particular agenda (“everyone should leave” or “you must forgive and stay”). The most helpful groups balance validation of pain with encouragement toward growth.
Looking Ahead: Life After Infidelity
Eventually—and it might be hard to believe this in the depths of your pain—you will reach a place where infidelity is no longer the defining event of your life. It becomes part of your history, something that shaped you but doesn’t control you.
What Recovery Actually Looks Like
Recovery doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean you never think about it or never feel a pang of pain. Recovery means the affair is no longer the first thing you think about when you wake up or the last thing you think about before sleep. It means you can enjoy moments of your life without the betrayal intruding. It means you can trust yourself and others again, even if that trust is more cautious than it once was.
If you’re rebuilding your relationship, recovery means you can think about your future together with hope rather than dread. It means you can be intimate without the affair partner’s ghost in the room. It means you’ve integrated what happened into your relationship’s story without it being the only chapter that matters.
If you’ve moved on from the relationship, recovery means you can think about your ex without rage or longing dominating. It means you can be open to new relationships without your past betrayal sabotaging them. It means you’ve built a life you’re proud of, one that isn’t defined by what someone else did to you.
How the Experience Changes You
Going through infidelity changes you. That’s not necessarily bad, even though it feels that way when you’re in the middle of the pain. Many people emerge from this experience with greater self-knowledge, stronger boundaries, deeper empathy, and a clearer sense of what they need in relationships.
You might find you’re less naive but also more appreciative of genuine connection. You might be more cautious but also more intentional. You might have lost some innocence, but gained wisdom. You might be scarred, but you’re also stronger and more resilient than you ever imagined you could be.
Trust in Future Relationships
Whether you’re rebuilding with your current partner or eventually enter a new relationship, the question of trust will be complicated by your history. You might find yourself hypersensitive to red flags, perhaps seeing betrayal where none exists. You might struggle with the vulnerability that intimacy requires.
This is where your healing work pays off. The more you’ve processed the trauma, rebuilt your self-esteem, and learned to trust yourself, the easier it becomes to trust others appropriately. You learn to distinguish between reasonable caution and projecting your past onto your present.
Finding Meaning in the Experience
Some people find that, with time and perspective, they can identify gifts that emerged from this painful experience. Not that the infidelity was good or that they’re glad it happened, but that they can acknowledge what they’ve learned or how they’ve grown.
Maybe you’ve developed deeper empathy for others’ pain. Maybe you’ve learned to advocate for your needs more clearly. Maybe you’ve discovered strength you didn’t know you had. Maybe you’ve built a life more aligned with your authentic self. Maybe your relationship—if you’ve rebuilt it—is more honest and intimate than it ever was before.
The Possibility of Post-Traumatic Growth
Psychologists have identified a phenomenon called post-traumatic growth—the idea that people can experience positive changes as a result of struggling with highly challenging life circumstances. This isn’t about minimizing the trauma or saying everything happens for a reason. It’s about acknowledging that humans are remarkably resilient and can find ways to grow even in the aftermath of devastation.
Not everyone experiences post-traumatic growth, and that’s okay. But many people do find that, eventually, they can look back and see that while they wouldn’t choose to go through infidelity again, they’ve emerged from it as a more developed version of themselves.
A Final Word: You Will Survive This
If you’re reading this in the raw aftermath of discovery, it might be hard to believe that you’ll ever feel okay again. The pain feels endless. The betrayal feels insurmountable. The future feels terrifying.
But here’s what I want you to know: You will survive this. Not just survive—you can thrive. Thousands of people have walked this path before you, have stood where you’re standing now, have felt what you’re feeling. And most of them have found their way to a place of peace, whether that’s with their original partner or with someone new or happily on their own.
The journey is long and hard. There’s no shortcut through the pain. But there is a path through, and you’re already on it by seeking information, by trying to understand, by looking for a way forward.
Be patient with yourself. Be gentle with your heart. Seek support when you need it. Make decisions that honor your wellbeing, even when they’re difficult. Trust that healing is possible, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
One day—maybe not soon, but eventually—you’ll realize that you’ve gone a whole day without thinking about the affair. Then a whole week. You’ll find yourself laughing without guilt, planning for the future without fear, opening your heart without terror. You’ll discover that the betrayal has become part of your story but not the story’s ending.
You are stronger than you know. You are more resilient than you imagine. And you deserve a future filled with authentic love, genuine trust, and deep joy—whether that’s with your current partner or someone yet to come or in a life beautifully lived on your own terms.
You will get through this. And on the other side, you will be okay.
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