For years, I didn’t think I was the problem.
I thought I was confident. Assertive. Emotionally strong. I believed my partner was “too sensitive”, that conflicts happened because they didn’t understand me, and that my way of loving was simply different. It took the slow unravelling of my relationship—and one brutally honest moment—to realize the truth:
I wasn’t just difficult.
I was emotionally narcissistic in my relationship.
This is the story of how I recognized my narcissistic traits, faced them without excuses, and slowly healed the damage I was causing—not only to my partner but also to myself.
If you’re wondering, “Is it possible to cure narcissism?” This post is for you if you’re wondering, “Can someone change narcissistic behaviour in a relationship?”
Table of Contents
What Narcissism Looked Like in My Relationship
I wasn’t the stereotype of a grandiose narcissist. I wasn’t loud or obsessed with admiration. My narcissism was quieter, more insidious, and far more common than I realized.
Here’s how it showed up:
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I needed to be right—even at the cost of peace
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I minimized my partner’s feelings
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I deflected blame instead of taking responsibility
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I struggled with empathy during conflict
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I expected understanding without offering it
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I felt attacked by even gentle criticism
At the time, I told myself I was “just logical” or “emotionally independent.” But in reality, I was emotionally unavailable and self-centered.
This is what many therapists call relationship narcissism or narcissistic traits, not full Narcissistic Personality Disorder—but the damage can feel just as real to the person on the receiving end.
The Moment I Realized I Was the Problem
The turning point didn’t come from a diagnosis, a therapist, or a self-help book.
It came from a quiet moment I couldn’t ignore.
I could see the emotional tiredness in my partner’s eyes—the kind that results from too many unresolved arguments rather than just one. They had lost their anger. They weren’t protecting themselves. They didn’t even make an effort to clarify.
They were shutting down.
And that silence scared me more than any raised voice ever had.
Because when someone stops trying to be understood, it’s rarely because they’ve stopped caring. It’s because they’ve lost hope that their feelings will ever truly matter.
That was the moment something in me cracked.
I finally asked myself the question I had been avoiding for years:
What if I wasn’t defending myself at all—but protecting my ego?
That single question changed everything.
Understanding Narcissism Without Denial
One of the hardest parts of healing narcissism is letting go of the belief that narcissism equals being a bad person.
It doesn’t.
Narcissistic behaviours often develop as defence mechanisms—usually rooted in childhood emotional neglect, conditional love, or environments where vulnerability felt unsafe.
For me, control replaced emotional safety. Being right replaced being connected. Avoiding shame mattered more than emotional intimacy.
Understanding this didn’t excuse my behaviour—but it gave me the clarity to change it.
Step 1: I Stopped Arguing With Feelings
This was my biggest breakthrough.
Before, when my partner said:
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“You hurt me”
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“I feel dismissed”
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“I feel unseen”
I would respond with logic, explanations, or rebuttals.
But feelings don’t need correction.
They need validation.
I learned to say:
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“I understand why you feel that way”
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“That makes sense”
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“I didn’t intend to hurt you, but I see that I did”
This single shift softened more conflict than any apology ever had.
Step 2: I Took Radical Accountability
Narcissism thrives on deflection.
Healing required accountability without conditions.
Not:
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“I’m sorry but…”
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“I didn’t mean to…”
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“You’re overreacting…”
Instead:
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“I was wrong”
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“I hurt you”
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“I need to change this behavior”
Accountability isn’t humiliation.
It’s emotional maturity.
And it builds trust faster than perfection ever could.
Step 3: I Learned What Empathy Actually Is
I used to think empathy meant understanding someone intellectually.
It doesn’t.
Empathy means:
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Sitting with discomfort
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Listening without fixing
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Being emotionally present even when it’s inconvenient
I practiced reflective listening:
“What I hear you saying is that you felt ignored when I dismissed that.”
Not to win points—but to truly understand.
Over time, empathy became less effortful and more instinctive.
Step 4: I Faced My Fear of Vulnerability
Narcissism often hides fear.
Fear of:
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Being seen as weak
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Being rejected
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Being unworthy
I avoided vulnerability because it felt dangerous.
But emotional intimacy requires exposure.
I began sharing:
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My insecurities
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My fears
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My emotional triggers
Ironically, the more vulnerable I became, the less defensive I felt.
Step 5: I Stopped Needing to Win Every Conflict
This one was brutal.
I realized I treated disagreements like competitions.
But relationships aren’t debates.
Winning an argument while losing emotional safety is still losing.
I started asking:
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“Do I want to be right—or do I want to be connected?”
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“Is my ego speaking, or my values?”
Most of the time, connection mattered more.
Therapy Was a Game Changer (But Not a Magic Fix)
Individual therapy helped me:
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Recognize narcissistic patterns
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Identify emotional triggers
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Build emotional regulation skills
But therapy only works when you’re honest.
If you’re using therapy to justify yourself instead of examining yourself, nothing changes.
Healing narcissism requires humility, consistency, and patience.
Can Narcissism Be Cured in a Relationship?
Here’s the honest answer:
Pathological narcissism is difficult to change.
Narcissistic traits absolutely can be healed.
I didn’t “become a different person.”
I became a more self-aware one.
Healing isn’t linear. I still catch myself slipping into old patterns—but now I notice them, own them, and correct them.
That awareness makes all the difference.
How My Relationship Changed After Healing
The difference was profound.
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Conflicts became conversations
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My partner felt emotionally safer
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Trust slowly rebuilt
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Emotional intimacy deepened
Most importantly, I stopped seeing love as control and started experiencing it as connection.
Signs You’re Healing Narcissistic Behavior
If you’re wondering whether you’re truly changing, look for these signs:
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You listen more than you defend
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You feel genuine remorse—not just guilt
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You tolerate discomfort without lashing out
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You validate emotions even when you disagree
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You care about impact, not just intention
Healing shows up in behaviour, not promises.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ’s)
Is it possible to treat narcissism in a relationship?
Indeed, self-awareness, responsibility, and consistent emotional work can help heal narcissistic traits.
Is it possible for a narcissist to genuinely change for their partner?
When someone truly takes responsibility for their actions and makes a commitment to long-term personal development, change is possible.
In a relationship, how can you tell if you are narcissistic?
You might have trouble with empathy, avoid taking responsibility, be afraid of criticism, and put correctness ahead of emotional connection.
Is narcissism a reaction to trauma?
Narcissistic behaviours frequently arise as defensive reactions to early emotional neglect or insecurity.
Can narcissistic behaviour in relationships be helped by therapy?
Yes, when used honestly, therapy can assist in recognising patterns, fostering empathy, and creating more positive emotional reactions.
How long does it take for narcissistic traits to change?
Although there isn’t a set time frame, significant change takes months to years of persistent introspection and work.
Can a healthy relationship be ruined by narcissism?
Over time, unchecked narcissistic behaviour can undermine intimacy, emotional safety, and trust.
What distinguishes narcissistic personality disorder from narcissistic traits?
While NPD is a clinical condition that needs to be diagnosed by a professional, narcissistic traits are learnt behaviours that can change.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is a Choice You Make Daily
Healing narcissism in a relationship isn’t about shame or self-hatred. It’s about radical self-honesty—the kind that asks hard questions and stays long enough to hear the answers.
It’s the daily decision to choose humility over ego, connection over control, and growth over denial. Not once, not perfectly, but consistently.
If you’re reading this and recognizing parts of yourself in these words, that awareness alone is powerful. Awareness is where real change begins.
Transformation is possible.
I know—because I didn’t just learn it. I lived it.
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